I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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