I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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