Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
