I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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