I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
