So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
