we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize