Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
