i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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