Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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