I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
