im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Your cock deserves a montage
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
