White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
