Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
