So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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