If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
