East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
