Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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