I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
