I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize