Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
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