i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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