He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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