He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My dick has a subreddit
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
