let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
