just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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