Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
