So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Found your dick twin last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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