hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So much rum. So many feels.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Drake has all the answers
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize