Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
sex in a hospital.. check
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
