Barsexuality is the new black.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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