If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
