Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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