i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
