Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
