i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
