i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
