whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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