I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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