who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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