wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
