U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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