apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
