i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
false alarm, still single
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
