I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
