Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
