I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
