So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
