i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
