If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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