The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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