i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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