Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
