i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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