you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize