There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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