I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
