just tell him i said nine months
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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