I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
