Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
