i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
