sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Two words: nipple clamps
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